im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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