I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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