i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he puts the penis in happiness.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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