How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
