No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Tell her she can't have a vagina
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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