If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
