Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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