Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
