I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
