I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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