Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
