So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
