We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
