I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
