Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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