when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
