Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
