Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
