soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
