I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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