her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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