can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize