Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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