she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
