Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
