I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
