I wish I could punch you in the face.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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