I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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