So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
