you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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