Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
