She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
