talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if only i could text you this smell
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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