I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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