his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
