After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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