I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
