walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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