Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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