Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
