we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
