How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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