I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
