The maid of honor just puked.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
