I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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