I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
