yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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