just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
