He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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