At least make sure they are 18
Why
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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