ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
