you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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