I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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