I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
