make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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