Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
