You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish I only lived at night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize