I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
