I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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