Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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