so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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