my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I stole a fireplace last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
