i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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