I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
