So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just had sex on a roof
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
