I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
