Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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