i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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