1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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