just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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