I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
