It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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