how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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