I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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