my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
