the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
