I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
