he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize