The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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