so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
