And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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