Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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